Saturday, September 27, 2008

Pray in times of need......

(This was about 7 years ago............)


I had about had it, you know where it gets so bad inside that you just about want to either hit the wall or hit someone..

If you haven't ever felt like that, I just want to say hats off to you, but I have a couple of times in my life...

It was the first time I felt like that when me and my husband were just married, to tell you the truth, I don't even really remember what it was about, but I remember having that feeling, I had no love, no compassion, no pride.

The second time was when my first born was about 3. We were dead broke, we had bill collectors calling all the time, but husband was legal at the time so there wasn't much we could do.

I would get so stressed with my children, I never hurt them, but this day I felt like it.

I remember going into their bedroom, looking around and about ready to lose it, there was a huge mess, baby was hurt, and permanent marker EVERYWHERE!! I had that feeling come over me again, I knew it was happening again, and this time I wanted to stop it, I was so angry and she knew she was in trouble.

How do you stop these feelings?

I will never forget...

I looked at her, she looked at me and tears running down because I had yelled at her. I just about blew it, I had angry and rage, then I lost it.... I did not hit her, I did not hit the wall, I fell to my knees, started to cry and looked at her beautiful face, held my arms out and she ran to me, we hugged and then said a prayer together..

That day was the last time I had ever felt like that, if you love unconditionally, you will be rewarded, if you have faith, he will guide you, if you pray he will help you.

I know that it is soo hard not to loose it, I know that children can be well not so much like a angel at times, but if it ever happens to you, stop drop and love and pray, instead of what Satan wants us to do or feel..

I know that I am not perfect, I still get angry inside sometimes, but I don't let my anger affect my soul anymore, Kids are the most important things on this earth, and lets try a little harder to become more like our saviour in all our doings...

I needed this today, I don't know why, maybe it is a intuition I am having to post about this, maybe it is just a reminder for me to slow down, love a little more, and let life happen...

Is your Visiting Teaching done? I am late, but finally am getting to do it tomorrow...

13 coments:

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

A powerful message and reminder to us all. Thanks for sharing!
YES, my VT is done! :-)

Mrs. Morty said...

Awesome Devri! Thanks for the reminder :)

tammy said...

I know the feeling. Sometimes it is so hard to hold back, especially when there are other stresses in your life. I hate it when I lose my cool and yell at my kids and then see their little faces get crushed. Hate it.

Good job on VT tomorrow.

HILLARY said...

Beautifully said. There are many times I feel that way. I know my children are gifts and they do not "belong" to me. Satan works hard. As hard as he can, to destroy the family. I need to remember that more often when I get angry or upset with my gifts!

hoLLy said...

thank you for sharing those experiences devri! i have had that feeling before and it is just horrible. prayer is definitely the answer. i lack patiences sometimes and get so angry so fast(especially at certain times of the month:). i have prayed so much for strength and patience to be a good mommy. it definitely has helped me. these kids need and deserve the best!

and vt-done baby!!! :)

Family said...

Dev, you are great. Satan is a dirty fighter and we must not let him in. You are a wonderful mother and I know life is tough for you. Stay close to your heavenly father and keep your guard up. I love you.

Diaper Diva said...

It is SOO HARD sometimes to see the eternal perspective in the midst of these moments. One of my biggest trials I would say. Thank you so much for the reminder to let the Lord help.

Diaper Diva said...

I just read your comment and it is a bow that got undone during naptime:)

Mother Goose said...

OHHH Devri, you have no idea how I love this post and you! I have a post on hold because I have been feeling this emotional rage! i SWEAR, I MAY need some meds/ seriously. anyway, thanks!

The Bennetts said...

Devri- you are amazing. I totally can relate to what you have felt. Every time I want to give up I say a prayer and it always brings me back. Sometimes you just want to be mad. But the Savior will make up the difference...if we just let him.

Alice Wills Gold said...

thanks for a great reminder.

Medication helps too :)

Steph said...

Thank you much for sharing...I think this one was for me.

Jessie said...

Great story. Jada had extreme extreme colic as a newborn. And being a first time mom, there were so many times I just about lost it. One night, Shane held her while she cried for several hours, while I took a much needed break. He said he understood now why some people got to the point that they would want to shake their baby. But like you, many times we'd just break down and cry as she cried.. It's tough sometimes being a parent! But thanks for the story and beautiful thoughts.