There has never been a time in my life where I long to be pregnant so badly, to hold a baby that is so close to God, but I also know, now is not my time.
I know everyone has their trials in life, and everyone can get through their own, but I also know that their is a soul waiting to be with our family and it is hard for me to be patient. The little baby I lost in April, will have been born in October, that is next month! Holy cow, time is flying by, and still nothing.
I get jealous of every ones exciting news that they are expecting, I am starting to feel that I am not good enough to carry a baby, or something must be wrong with me. I have Kono's twin, plus 3 miscarriages last year alone, and to end with losing one at 14weeks,4 days, it is hard not to have so many mixed feelings about it all. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for everyone, but I can't help but to feel sorrow for myself.
I have prayed and fasted, fasted and prayed, and I have found my self not feeling down anymore, I have just let my Heavenly Father take over, and that is hard for me, I am always wanting to be in the driver side of life, But I have found that like always, his will, his time.
I will have another soul here on this earth, I can feel it, I know it, and want it!
But I will wait, patiently, and enjoy the 7 little blessings I have on this earth at this time.
Time for loving, caring, teaching, learning, and time for each moment to be the best that I can be. I am not a perfect person, I have my faults, but I know if I strive the Lord will provide!
I am so thankful for the famili that I have, for the love we hold in this little home of ours. I am thankful that I know that I can turn and lean on the Lord for peace and comfort, for happiness, and joy!