Monday, September 13, 2010


There has never been a time in my life where I long to be pregnant so badly, to hold a baby that is so close to God, but I also know, now is not my time.

I know everyone has their trials in life, and everyone can get through their own, but I also know that their is a soul waiting to be with our family and it is hard for me to be patient. The little baby I lost in April, will have been born in October, that is next month! Holy cow, time is flying by, and still nothing.

I get jealous of every ones exciting news that they are expecting, I am starting to feel that I am not good enough to carry a baby, or something must be wrong with me. I have Kono's twin, plus 3 miscarriages last year alone, and to end with losing one at 14weeks,4 days, it is hard not to have so many mixed feelings about it all. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for everyone, but I can't help but to feel sorrow for myself.

I have prayed and fasted, fasted and prayed, and I have found my self not feeling down anymore, I have just let my Heavenly Father take over, and that is hard for me, I am always wanting to be in the driver side of life, But I have found that like always, his will, his time.

I will have another soul here on this earth, I can feel it, I know it, and want it!

But I will wait, patiently, and enjoy the 7 little blessings I have on this earth at this time.

Time for loving, caring, teaching, learning, and time for each moment to be the best that I can be. I am not a perfect person, I have my faults, but I know if I strive the Lord will provide!

I am so thankful for the famili that I have, for the love we hold in this little home of ours. I am thankful that I know that I can turn and lean on the Lord for peace and comfort, for happiness, and joy!

11 coments:

Gramee said...

ok, as soon as I am done crying like a baby.. i will comment on this..

i am sure heavenly father is preparing your family for the right time.. that baby will come.

Love you friend

Shauna said...

Prayers, love and hugs all for you sweetie!

Nora said...

you touched my heart with this post..I agree with Gramee.... it will happen.
When you least expect it...expect it!!
(( HUGS )) to you and your beautiful wee family x x


I know the heartache of wanting a little one so badly and and the peace of giving it to the Lord.
Hugs and Love to you my friend.

Pedaling said...

stay strong and feel good.
good things will come.

Alice Wills Gold said...

I am pretty sure that life was meant to be one lesson after another of how good we are at trusting in the Lord..truly turning over our will to Him. Sometimes it is so hard to do.

Love that you are so have inspiring faith Devri.

Liz said...

I feel your pain. I should be having a little one to love too! Thanks for being so positive keeps my head high too! you are right.. we need to leave it up to Heavenly father.. HUGS to you!

Tara D. said...

I'm sorry Devri, but you are right. In the Lord's time, you will have your next baby to love and hold forever. I love you girl! It WILL happen!!!

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

I've definitely experienced the frustration of wanting a baby SO badly after both my miscarriages and then periods of infertility. There is nothing worse and my prayers are with you!

I'm just the MOM said...

U WILL be blessed again! I know it. I get the "baby fever" still but can't get preggo anymore (i got fixed lol).

hoLLy said...

its so hard when you've lost babies and you come up on the month they would've been know i've been there a few times. it makes you so so so very sad and just hurts your heart. hang in there my friend, its easier said than done i know. but i know your time will come-love ya!!! xoxo