Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sometimes Life is NOT FAIR!!!!!!

( a note- If you think that I am always strong, always upbeat, Please come back on a different day, and leave now)

Yep, you read the title right... I feel crappy. If you have missed me on your blogs, I have been looking, not commenting. I am down, way down. Guess you can call me Devri Downer......

Here is the thing, Thanksgiving was OK, in laws house, good Tongan food.

The next day, Black Friday. Did I go? Yep, Did I buy anything, nope.

Did I watch everyone, Yep, did it make me sad. Defiantly.

I love to shop, I love to buy, I love to give.

The shopping is going to be slim, the buying is going to be scarce, and the giving, well your in luck if you just want my love, cuz that's all I got.

I am trying to stay calm through this whole Laid off thing. It is hard, and it is even harder on my husband.

This is a man who works day and night and night and day, so that I get to stay home with our children.

This is a man who will give you the shirt off his back, and go naked.

This is a man who lives right and loves his Heavenly Father.

So why am I in the dumps.

It could be because the money from the "biggest Loser" competition, is not their. Yep I lost.. I tried my best was a faithful dieter, and started in Sept at 144, and ended the contest at 115.4. I wish I didn't just do it for the money, yes I feel better about my self, I feel healthy, I haven't weighed this since I was a sophomore in High School. But I am sad, I just couldn't lose enough.

It could be that it breaks my heart we can't afford Christmas this year.

It could be that my kids are sick.

It could be that I didn't get to go to church today.

It could be because our dear friend passed away last night. He is 34, had a stroke, and never came out of it.

It could be that every time we get ahead, we fall back. We sent our balance to the hospital bill, and yes cancer money issues behind us, but dang, I wish I would have looked into the future a couple of months down the road, I would have gave up 8,000 dollars so willingly.

Don't get me wrong, our bills are paid, we are not going hungry, this IS because we pay our tithing.
I know that Christmas presents aren't that important, but that tell that to a bunch of little kids anxiously awaiting for Santa to come.
I will be OK, I will get over myself, we will be alright, we have been down this road before, and we will not let sadness consume our lives for too long.
But just saying it sucks, it tears on your heart, and yes I will stay strong, but---

Let me be weak once in awhile...

PS. I have loved all your posts!!

Surprise still comin' soon, promise...

45 coments:

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Devri, I am so sorry. I think that the holidays are hard for a lot of people, and you sure deserve a good whine session.

Hang in there.


I believe it is ok to be sad and angry, Go right ahead. I believe we are allowed those emotions. I wish I could help. I am so far away, so I will just keep you in my prayers. Tithing sure brings comfort, I know it does for me. You may not want to hear this but hang in there!!!!:)

Crazymamaof6 said...

OH! that is a BUMMER! i've been there all too often. go ahead and wallow in it for awhile.

hang in there. you are loved. and in the eternal scheme of things it's not about what you gave for christmas or got. make fun memories together.

congrats on your awesome weight loss! that is GREAT! and something to be proud of.


HILLARY said...

All I can say is read the book, "Remembering Wholeness" by Carol Tuttle. It will change your life as it has mine! Wait, maybe I'll just send it to you!

Jan said...

If it makes you feel any better, we are going slim this year too. I know that you have more of a concern in different areas though. I wish so badly that I could take it all away. It might just turn out to be one of those Christmases that is a blessing. One never knows what lies ahead for you and your family. I am sending good thoughts your way okay. (hugs)

Supercool Hotmama said...

Trade ya a cape for a tutu. Email me.

chantal said...

I missed you while you were gone!! And am glad you're back! I am down in the dumps lately too. I know its hard to stay positive sometimes. Especially for the kids. And Santa will come for your kids, dont worry!! And wow, way to go on the weight loss!!! I am so impressed-and jealous! That is a huge accomplishment! When I am stressed I eat. And I am stressed all the time. I could never do it. I am so proud of you!!

gigi said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Missed you and thought you were away for the holidays. Thanks for coming back and letting us know how you were feeling so that we can at least keep you in our prayers. Cheer up soon. ((hugs))

Kristie said...

Hey D.D., I think a lot more people than we realize are paddling in the same boat. I'm blessed because my kids are older and they can understand more. It's tough though. Lean on Heavenly Father, your husband, and us, your 'followers':-)

Suzanne said...

Devri - After all that you are certainly entitled to be a little depressed. Good grief, all that stuff would bring a bull elephant to its knees whimpering. I am so sorry about your friend who passed away -- and the job -- you've just been dealt some really hard things lately. You're in my thoughts...

Renee said...

So sorry, I forgot you needed a size! Lets do 7, and here's my email.

Devri, I am sorry about what you are going through. We're all your friends and there's never judgment here, so go ahead and let it all out! You and your family will be in my prayers.

Lene said...

Devri - I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I think this time of year can be so hard. It is tough when you are living right and doing right and life still seems like a up-hill battle.

Hang in there!

Vanessa said...

A positive is that you look hot!

Hang in there!

Cole said...

Devri...I'm there with you. My hubby has been gone for the past three months with occasional stops at home, always to brief, and today he's on his way to San Diego. Just in time to miss the Holiday Season. His work will be flying him home for christmas and the week afte rbut then it's back down to S.D. for another month.

I went through YEARS of depression before I realized what it was. I totally understand how you are feeling.

Know that no matter what, your Heavenly Father loves you and He cares about you and your family. And I know it really sucks to hear but remember, He never gives us anything we can't handle!

Us girls going through rough times have to stick together. I'm here for ya babe.

Elizabeth said...

If it were not for my parents, we would be in the exact same boat as you are right now. I'm sorry that things are so hard right now.
My husband is the same way. He works one full time job and two part time jobs and goes to school......all so that I can stay home with my babies! But even we that we are struggling to make ends meet too.
Like you though, I pay my tithing and we ARE just barely making our ends meet.
I can't even imagine the stress of having your husband laid off. Can't even imagine!!!
I will keep you and your family in our prayers and don't worry.....the Lord will provide!

Kerri said...

Devri, It will all be okay, I promise. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will. Maybe you will find that you get to focus on the Savior more this year. Make some great traditions and memories with you kids and maybe this will be their favorite Christmas yet! I'm here for you.

Vaitai 6 said...


I love how candid you are in your posts. Things are really tight for the lot of us. I know many families that are struggling this year... somehow I've felt the NEED to simplify and get back to the MEANING of the season. I hope the kids get better soon. And I'm jealous that you've lost your weight. I haven't even seen 144 on this tongan bod of mine for 5+ years, hahaha!... stil working on it! What type of work does your hub do?

Anonymous said...

I pray that you find hope in your situation. May you keep faith as your companion and find strength in supporting your husband through this hard time. You will be smiling and happy soon. Lean on your family and friends. Love you!

Kristen said...

Hi Dev, I would love to talk to you... not to be too personal, but what kind of cancer does Maka have? My oldest little one was born with cancer.. sometimes it's nice to compare notes. :) Oh! and we are in the same situation for christmas! (I'm making Lillie a $10 tutu). :) My boy is getting a small toy, and the baby, well, he won't remember anyway, so he can play with the oldest's toys! It's going to be okay. I hope your family finds a way to ease the financial burden soon. We're praying for ya. Love, Kris

Tara D said...

Sometimes it's good to vent and just let everything out. I'm sorry things aren't looking up at the moment, but I know that it WILL pass. Hang in there, and you're still in my prayers.

Melissa said...

I was glad to hear from you again. I love reading your posts. Sorry that you are feeling down. My sis-in-laws husband just found out he only has a job until the end of the year and they are in the same boat. I am sorry to hear about that. I know for kids it is hard to understand about the Christmas thing. I hope things start looking up for you.

Abra said...

I grew up with nothing. My parents both worked super hard, but I still remember them praying that there would be enough food to go around the dinner table.
There's six of us in my family. Even though my parents didn't have much money, Christmas was always good. It didn't matter that there weren't many presents under the tree. In fact, we didn't really notice.
My mother taught us to give.
Now, I'm much more happier spending what little we have on my kids. They worry about me not having presents, but my biggest present is watching them.
Of course, kids don't always understand, and it's hard. I remember, my mother wanted to get rid of stockings one year, and I pleaded with her. Please let me have a stocking, if I get no other presents I don't care.
She kept the stockings, and I'm not sure how she did it, but we all got presents too.
I know that somehow, you will be able to make it through Christmas, while teaching your children an amazing lesson at the same time.

Kori said...

Awww I'm sorry darlin. But I can totally sympathize with you. Love you though. Holidays are wretched especially this year.

MiaKatia said...

Hang in there Devri. I agree you have a right to feel all these emotions and life is tough. Just know that there are lots of people who are praying for you.

Sue and Mark said...

We all have those hard is definitely not fair.

It's o.k. to vent and let it go, cause we all feel the same way..

I can't wait to read your posts after christmas..You always have amazing stories to tell. What does the future hold?

Trust in'll see it will all be o.k.

Krissy said...

Oh Devri .... I'm so sorry. I REALLY feel you on that. My husband hasn't been laid off, but money is so tight ... we're still waiting for our other house to sell, so we're sitting on two mortgages, 2 sets of utilities and my hubby doesn't get paid as much as he should be for what he does. *sigh* that's the way life goes it seems. :(

I make lots of things - if there's anything I can do... let me know! I may have some free or VERY cheap ideas you can use or I can send you. :) Email me!!!

Luckiest Girl... said...

Mmmmm...Tongan food! I am glad you had a good Thanksgiving.
I am sorry for the things your family is going through. I know everything will work out for you guys.
Congratulations on the weight loss...what a great accomplishment!
Ofa Atu.

Luckiest Girl... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendy said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you! Wendy

Kristen said...

Think I'm feeling a lot of what you are lately. This is a REALLY hard time of year for me too. We "celebrate" Austin's birthday on New Year's Eve, and the memories are hard. Sometimes it's hard not to feel a little picked on and depression is a hard thing. We are struggling to get out of some debt and will have a small Christmas too. You are in my thoughts!

Anonymous said...

Raw raw raw kick it in the jaw... raw raw rass kick him in the apples are good for you. Why are you so skinny? Why do we say why and remember that other brother who hates us... he wants us to focus on ourselves and not others. Find joy in service.. Love ya

Pineapple Princess said...

Chin up girl. Things are tough, but look at all the people who care about you and are praying for you. Keep the faith. Keep paying your tithing. It will work out.

I heard about the funeral. I guess we can be grateful that we have our spouses this Christmas.

The Lyman Family said...

Devri, I feel ya girl! I've been there and can SOOOO feel your pain! Way to go on your weight loss! That shows what an amazing woman you are! I can't even lose 5 lbs. I have a testimony of tithing too. I think all will be well! I wish I could do something to help. I have a friend who doesn't do any shopping for her family. They all make things for each other and they swear (kids included) that it is more fun/meaningful that way for all of them. we'll keep praying for you and exercise hope and faith!

The Mom said...

First, CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss! That is amazing! I would love to see pictures!

Second, I totally understand about not having money for Christmas. It really sucks.

Make me a promise. Go see your Bishop about getting help. He can help you with Christmas. I know, we've had the help. It is so humbling, but it's nice to know there is help.

Hang in there. Know that you are loved!

Cheryl Anne said...

How about I come over and we have a good cry together. It seems like nothing is going quite right. I laugh alot because if I'm not laughing, I'm crying. I know it will all work out in the end, but I'm worried about right now. I'll keep praying for you if you keep praying for us.

Nora said...

((((( HUGS )))))

Anonymous said...

Just remember....good things happen to great people. You're time is coming, just hang in there!

Mother Goose said...

This is like the most comments I have seen ever! That should make ya smile.

HOLY chicky, you be skinny!! so sorry you didn't win that contest!! NOW, how did they judge the winner?? It can't be judged by pounds lost! It should have been judged by body percent. Maybe, it was. Because like a woman or man weighing 200 pounds would have considerably more weight to lose, but it should go by percent.

This time of year always makes people a little down because of money and gifts. The economy is so shakey. Money should be put to savings, bills and food storage.

What a huge blessing that you paid off your medical bills and you are able to sustain. It is the extras. You are wonderful parents and your children are wonderful as well. They will understand and their may be some secret santas in your neck of the woods. I will pray that your hubz will be able to be employed. Maybe, it will be easier for you to get a job and he hold the fort down for a while.

Stacie said...

oh man idk how i missed this post but im glad i read it. Nice to know that people have down days too and not everything goes perfect for everyone always - althought it'd be nice.
Yeah I love love love to give people things and this year i am cutting back some. I am single, still have a job, thank goodness, but my dad's job ended and he has been looking (In Idaho) for a few months with no luck. My family is not having the same sort of Christmas they usually have had in the past. I hate how times are changing (for the worse) and that lifestyles have to change. Sometimes it is for the better but when it comes to giving, I wish I could give all that I have been able to in the past. So I'm with ya. I hope your kids get better soon! Yay for paying tithing :)

hoLLy said...

i'm so so so sorry for whats going on in your lives right now. i wish i could make it all go away for you! just know i'm thinking about you and sending lots of love and prayers your way. hang in there-hold on to your faith-and it will all be okay. i admire you devri!

and its okay to just let it all out sometimes. i think it actually probably helps not only you but others too.

Sher said...

Devri-I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling down. I have soo been there! The holidays are hard!
Just know we are all here for you!
Love ya!

tammy said...

First off, way to go on losing all that weight. I wish that you could've been the winner.

I know exactly what you're feeling. Seven years ago my hubby was laid off too, right before the holidays. It breaks your heart to think of not being able to give your kids a Christmas, and not wanting to ruin the magic of Santa for them. I pray things will get better for you. I know gambling is something the church doesn't believe in, but do you want me to buy a lotto ticket in your name? : )
Hang in there kiddo. This too shall pass.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Oh Devri, I am so sorry!
I just know that you will be blessed. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I know it will come.
You super SKINNY MOMMA YOU! What on earth! I haven't weight 115 since I was in High School! LOL
At least you got a hot bod! Most women would be all up on that!
I'm thinking of ya. Keeping ya in my prayers for comfort and peace to come soon!
So sorry it all hit at once.
I'm sending some loving your way!

Piko and Kanoe sitting in a tree. . . said...

My gosh girl. I was on a blog vaykay and didn't read this post till today. I was feeling dumpy today and you brightened my day with your emails about the tutus i ordered. I wish I could afford to order tons more, dang it! I'm glad you're brighter today than when you posted this. You're in my prayers!

Misty said...

Man, I was feeling bad about being totally ill and pregnant. I have now stepped off my ped. You can have it!!! Okay, but really, do you guys possibly have a secret santa? Seriously, I want to know. If not, I think I might be able to help out.