Sunday, May 30, 2010

Memorial Day

Memorial Day

brings back memories of my little one I never got to hold, scold or love,hug, or even look at his beautiful mug.


Because when I was pregnant with twin boys, at my 20 week ultrasound, one of the little boys showed the ultrasound tech that he had a hole in his heart..

They said his heart would be fine, that he would just need to undergo a surgery to fix it after birth, they said he was healthy as a pig, he was bigger than Kono, Weighed more than Kono, So Why did you die?

I carried this little boy next to Kono (they were fraternal twins- which means they were not identical, or in the same sac) till I gave birth to both. I was concentrating on Kono as my husband was concentrating on the angel in Heaven. I did not want to count his bones and his teeth, I did not want to remember him as a skeleton. I want to remember this beautiful boy who has giving me a new sense of strength, a new smile, and a twin who lights up my life daily.

I will remember him as a "rock", our spiritual strength, our protector, our friend, our boy!

To Kono, he will be there, and I know with out a shadow of a doubt that his brother is close to him. Kono has been saved a few times from his own passing,and protected when he has needed it.

I can't wait till Kono is old enough to hear how close they really are :)

Tears roll down my face as I write this, for those who do not know me, we have had another miscarriage when the baby boy was 14 weeks in April. I am not healed emotionally from this last miscarriage. It was too far along, to traumatic, to dramatic and too sad. Go read the story

I walk down the path in life leaning on my Father in Heaven lately, I feel like my strength has weakened. I woke up today sad, mad, depressed, and confused all over again. I think this will take me awhile to get over it. But I have my husband, family and friends, and God to carry me through the rough times in life, and for that I shall not fear. I walked out to enjoy the sun in our back yard, and I had walked over to our pond. I looked down and found this paper floating in it. I picked it up and read the hard to read lines from the marker bleeding in the water. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. Another prayer answered for the day.

It read:

I took it to the children and asked who had written this.. Not one..

I looked up in Heaven and thanked my Heavenly Father for the strength I needed to start my day, and to uplift my soul.

Memorial Day is a day to remember, to celebrate the lives that have moved on to the next. A day to salute the hero's, and a day to celebrate the living.

My two little boys in Heaven will show me the way, they will continue to love, protect and to watch over our LITTLE family as we will go through our happy times along with the sad times.

'Oku 'a e 'Otual Kitaua

(God be with You Till We Meet Again)

6 coments:

susette said...

Oh Devri Dear, I hope you don't feel like you ever have to get over it. It just changes you over time and Heavenly Father heals that broken heart a tiny bit at a time. It's okay to have all the different emotions associated with death of a loved one.

I will never get over losing Porter. I still have highs and lows and know I will for a long time. Prayer seems to be the main source of comfort for me, although that's when I seem to cry the most. I will add your loss to my prayers in helping you find strength and peace as well dear blogging friend.

Devri said...

Thanks Susette! hugs

I love this photo. Although not great, I just noticed Kono's little foot in it. So darn cute :)

Shauna said...

What a beautiful post! L♥ve and Hugs to you and your sweet family my precious friend!

Gramee said...

your words are beautiful dear friend.


M-Cat said...

Beautiful post. Tender mercies....

hoLLy said...

thank you for sharing your sweet testimony devri. i'm sorry for the loss of these precious sons of yours and for the pain you still feel. prayers that time will heal those wounds. love u!